i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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