You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
