Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Pants are for mortals
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
