In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
