You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
