It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
