I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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