Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
