i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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