I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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