I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
