bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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