ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
