do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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