just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I smell like Dick and happiness
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
