Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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