So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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