i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
