oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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