smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
