got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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