There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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