Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
