i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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