i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize