I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
