Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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