I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
