Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Randomize
