At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I hope mine doesn't look like that
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
