Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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