I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
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