carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
