I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize