guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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