He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
