My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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