someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
organizing the empties. That sober.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
not ubering you a puppy
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
