Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
