it was like his penis was on wheels.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize