walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
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