Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Randomize
