best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
