She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
