I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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