She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
