i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize