my being single is dangerous.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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