Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
