I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
