Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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