You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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