do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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