I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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