actually, I'm a sock model
Pappa wants mamma naked
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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