Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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