thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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