Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
