it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's never too late to be topless.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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