Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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