I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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