I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
