We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He better not be in your backpack
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
