Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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