i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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