im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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