Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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