Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
