She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So much rum. So many feels.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
