I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
