Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
