insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
