Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize