you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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