i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
