Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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