i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
