True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
