The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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