Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
