i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
