His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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