We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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