I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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