the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
