you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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