i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
