pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I want to be your penis for a week.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize