just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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