69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
