once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
