the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
