feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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