it was like eating out sand paper
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
