Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
