I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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