I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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